Gay Worcester Forum

Corona · Joined: 17 Jun 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Malvern

I've done it, I've told my very own Father about my sexuality... and on the surface I couldn't have hoped for a better outcome.

.. Then we started talking about it... and came to the following conclusions:

He thinks it's just a phase.
He thinks I'll grow out of it as soon as I meet the right girl.
He thinks it's abnormal... although I can't really blame him... It may be normal for me but to someone else...
And finally: He thinks I'm getting the attraction of cameradery (sp?) mixed up with sexual attraction.

I wanted him to accept that I've been attracted to men all my life and it's not about to stop now.
I wanted him to accept that there's also the chance I'll meet the right guy.
I wanted him to accept that it's normal to me.
And I wanted him to accept that I know the difference between friendship and love.

He's not kicked me out and rejected me... but I don't think he's accepted it either.
He's waiting for me to 'see sense', stop looking for a boyfriend and find a girlfriend.

I asked him 'what about if I want to bring a guy home?'
'I want you to ring me so I can know to not be here.'
'But I'd want you to meet anyone I want to be with.'
'... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... then let me know you're bringing someone home and I'll react to that when it happens.'

I'm staying at home tonight because it's too late to go anywhere else but I'm going to get out of the house for a few days tomorrow... just get some time apart to mull it over.

I've done something I can never take back... and I have a horrible, nagging, gnawing feeling that I've gone and made things worse between us...I can only hope I'm wrong.

It had to be done, though. It was tearing me apart. I mentioned in a blog that the other day I was driving along and wondered if it would really be worse if I just let go of the wheel and hit the accelerator into this upcoming corner. I also wondered more than once recently if it would really be as painful as they say to drink down a bottle of scotch whisky with a few packets of pills.
I know I could do none of these things... I'm too much of a coward... but the thought was still out there... and that still scared me.

I only hope I did the right thing.

C.

_________________
Don't mourn for me... well, if you feel like it then... hey! HEY! This is my funeral, where do you think you're going!?

Corona · Joined: 17 Jun 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Malvern

It seems that my dad was, in fact, less of a hurdle than I thought he might be.
He's taken the 'phylosophical' approach... for now at least. Sort of a 'I'd prefer it wasn't the case but there's nothing I can do to change it.'
Eventually I think he'll get used to the idea but the important part for me is over.
He was the person I wanted to tell the most because I hate(d) keeping secrets from him... the result could have been better... but it could have been so much worse... so all in all I'm happy with it.
_________________
Don't mourn for me... well, if you feel like it then... hey! HEY! This is my funeral, where do you think you're going!?

UrbanMoxy · Joined: 17 Jul 2006 Posts: 1 Location: Worcester

Hi Corona

Thanks for sharing your story. It was nice to hear that I'm not the only one that didn't get the reaction from their family they were hoping for. You here so many stories these days about people 'coming out' to their family and their family responding in such positive ways. But there are still people out there who do find it difficult to come to terms with. I told my family because I didn't want to pretend anymore. I'd decided that I would rather they hated me for who I was than loved me for who they thought I was.

They didn't disown me but they didn't embrace who I was either. It wasn't the positive outcome I had hoped for and it has put a strain on our relationship but I have no regrets as I can truly be myself now.

Good luck to you, please keep us informed of how things work out for you.

Urban x

Corona · Joined: 17 Jun 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Malvern

I've been thinking about it and I've come to the conclusion that I actually got a better response to my coming out than I'd been hoping for.

One of the things he said when I told him was 'I don't see that this should affect our relationship.' (sounds better than it actually was meant but you had to be there really). Which means that, to a degree, he has had to accept it.

I had hoped for the idealised 'That's fantastic, I'm so glad you felt you could share this with me.' rather than the 'Oh really?' that I seemed to get.
.
.
.
But then I thought. If he'd started acting differently after finding out, even if it were for the better, then that still means he'd be seeing me as a different person... Which I'm not... I'm just the same person with an 'added extra'.

So all in all, I think it turned out for the best.
.
.
.
I imagine I'll have another update to this, though, when I bring my first boyfriend home!
_________________
Don't mourn for me... well, if you feel like it then... hey! HEY! This is my funeral, where do you think you're going!?

Corona · Joined: 17 Jun 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Malvern

Further update:

My dad's still a bit strange with the whole thing but I think he may be coming around to it.
Er... getting ahead of myself again.
In whole: My dad was giving me and a friend a lift to meet some friends (I usually drive but he wanted to meet someone there as well so he offered). Somehow the subject got onto relationships and how I was still single, blah, blah. And he just blurted out; 'At least it shouldn't be hard for you to get a partner, you have both sexes to look through!'
My dad didn't really react to it and the conversation kind of died... but until proven otherwise I'm choosing to take this as a good sign!

_________________
Don't mourn for me... well, if you feel like it then... hey! HEY! This is my funeral, where do you think you're going!?